What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 16:37
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Has your mother ever walked in on you at an inappropriate time?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Is Veuve Clicquot Brut a good champagne?
But ive been too sick for many years..
She found it foreign!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?
Would this be the day?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Resident Evil Requiem Playable in 1st and 3rd Person, New Screenshots - Push Square
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why don't people like Nickelback?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ive learnt so much.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was scared of men, in general
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why do White people love dogs more than humans?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was 9 years of age.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
NASA to silence Voyager's social media accounts - theregister.com
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As a guy, how do you know you if you are considered attractive?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Are there any more 'nun' jokes?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im still living with it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is soul school!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He knew the spot.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
All the time i was locked up.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She loved him until the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I waited trembling.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My life is so biszare .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I have no regrets .
My family never makes their pension either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She married twice! .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So, i spoilt her more .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When she asked me how she looked .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i lived it daily.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was seconnd youngest,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I think the readers, may guess!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But, we were locked up after school.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Comes on , in middle age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I said to her
What did i know ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it wasn’t much.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.