What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

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Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Why do I sweat so much after shower?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

What's the most incredible coincidence that ever happened to you?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

What's the hardest part about marriage that no one ever talks about?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

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Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

TEXT:

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

How should I go about convincing my mother that my foreign online boyfriend isn't out to get my holes or scam me?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Make Nazis afraid again!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Has anyone ever read The Holy Bible completely through? If so, what was your overall impression of it?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.